Mommy Confessions - One of My Biggest Fears Came True

Normally on Fridays I like to post my Five Thing Friday and also take part in Aloha Friday. I got a really late start and instead of doing those I decided to share something with all of you that happened to me this week. I changed it up a bit for to join in on The Mommy Confessions hosted by Victoria from Life Starring the Kids and Me. Here I go.

I definitely do not consider myself to be Mom of the Year or anything but I think I do all right. With three kids and only two hands I try to keep things running as smooth as possible without losing my mind. Before Emilio was born and up to this day I have been plagued with some irrational fears. Only to find out that one of them would come true.

What irrational fears you ask? I have had visions of just terrible things happening to Emilio. From getting stepped on and mashed by his brothers to accidentally dropping him. You name it I have probably thought about it. It seriously scared the poop out of me to take my eye off of him for one second. It was so bad that I even tried looking up online if it was some type of post partum depression. Now that he is eleven months old it has finally subsided for the most part now that he is a little big bigger and not as delicate as before. Until Tuesday that is. Now fears are back full force.

To set the scene a little bit, here is a little background on one of my ongoing arguments with my hubs. Having two older boys we have gotten accustomed to and like not having to have any gates up around the house anymore. For the last three or four months I have been on my hubs to put the gates back up. Emilio is getting more mobile every day and I do have three kids and only two eyes so sometimes things can slip past me. Gates are as much a safety net for me as they are for my kids. He on the other hand hates those gates and is definitely not looking forward to putting them up again. So, he has put in the back burner, to get done when he feels he has the time. That was until the events of Tuesday morning.

The boys had just left for school and I was getting Emilio ready for his gross motor therapy appointment. Yes, he receives therapy to learn how to roll over and to crawl instead of butt scooting wherever he goes. Unfortunately I blame myself for the reasons behind his unusual gross motor development. I never gave him enough tummy time or let him just play on the floor because I was terrified that someone would stomp on him. Irrational fears working at its best. I knew that the likelihood was probably small but I was scared none the less. Anyways, back to my horror story.

He was ready to go as was I except for one small detail, my hair. It was pretty much done I just needed to put in some hair spray to hold back all the baby hair tweekers so I looked somewhat normal. I keep all my hair stuff in the boys bathroom which is the main bathroom in the hallway upstairs. I knew Emilio would follow me there with his butt scooting action so placed him in the starting spot of my bedroom floor and ran to bathroom in the hall way to just plaster the tweekers quickly before he could get to me. That was my mistake. My horrible mistake. I saw him coming and put my handheld mirror in front of my face for a only a second when I heard a loud thud and cry all at the same time.

My sweet little Emilio had plumitted head first down the stairs! The stairs were literally two steps away from me and I ran to them only to watch in horror as one of my worst fears came true. He just tumbled down all TWELVE stairs as I cried in disbelief. He landed at the bottom on the landing crying and in shock. I grabbed him literally within ten seconds of this scary spill and calmed him down. Frantically I called 911 and told them what had happened. Then I had to call my hubs and tell him. That was a hard phonecall to make. "Hi honey, Emilio just fell down the stairs..."

Thankfully the Fire Dept came quickly and checked his vitals and decided that he was fine. I feel so lucky that he came out of that situation only a little shooken up. It could have been much worse. What I had been afraid of since his birth had finally come true. I feel horrible.

I am glad that he is fine but I am still dealing with my feelings of guilt. I shoud never have looked away, even for that brief second. I just pray that nothing like that ever happens again. On the bright side my hubs is finally commited to putting the gates back up. I'm just sorry that it was too little too late. Thankfully Emilio will never remember his mom's mistake.